Okay, so here goes. I haven't got the answers, but I have so many questions. To be honest, I have my own answers to some of the questions - or my own feelings, and beliefs - or maybe not such much beliefs, as a knowledge of what I would like to believe.
How do you know whether someone is a friend or just an acquaintance? Can acquaintances ever become friends? Can friendships lapse to the point at which a friend becomes an acquaintance, or would that only be able to happen if the person wasn't really a friend to begin with?
Can you be friends - real friends - with people whom you haven't met in the "real world"? Yet? I guess that mainly I am talking about "online friends" - but also pen-pals - the old-fashioned variety, who like to write letters, put stamps on them and post them in physical postboxes! How about people whom you used to see, but now only communicate with online? Ones with whom you have met up once or twice, or several times, but don't currently see - and yes, stay in touch with online?
Can you love friends in the same way as family members? Do the rules have to be altered according to the gender of the friends in question - in which case, does it have to be adjusted again according to your sexual preferences and theirs? Why should this be the case, if the friendships aren't based upon sex, anyway?
How do you know when you are completely wasting your time and emotional energy on people who don't really care? What if you still care?
Fear of abandonment destroys your self-confidence and your trust in your relationships with others - that much I do know. And when your "building blocks" - your family base - isn't solid to start with, it is that much harder, on so many levels.
If you find it hard to make friends in the first place, due to factors such as depression, agoraphobia and social phobia, the attachment is likely to be that much stronger. You may be loyal, kind and loving, but it is hard for people to appreciate that, if you simply come across as "needy" and desperate.
One of my friends died of breast Cancer in 2010. She also suffered from depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I can remember her telling me that she "couldn't let people get too close", for fear that they would "get inside her mind". I don't know how I feel about this because, ultimately - if she hadn't believed this, maybe we could have been closer, in the comparatively brief time during which she was a part of my life. At the same time, I relate, on a very deep level, to much of what she told me, and I have many similar issues.
I often think in terms of parallels, as this expresses the closeness yet distance between our separate, individual experiences. To me, our friends are people who love and respect us, and whom we love and respect in return, and who choose to share our lives, as we travel along parallel paths.
And yes, a friend is for life, not just for Christmas - or Solstice...
Tuesday 24 April 2012
Thursday 12 April 2012
The relevance of modern poetry
"I'm worried that when I show intelligent people a contemporary poem which I think quite simple, they frequently find it baffling. We seem to have lost the art of speaking directly to the reader. Today's poetry is sophisticated, multi-layered and sometimes brilliant. But, when you are not waving but drowning, whose verses come into your mind?" - Merryn Williams, June 2003 - quotation taken from the editorial of The Interpreter's House, a small press magazine for poetry and short stories
Interesting words - and certainly not without truth. Another small press editor once told me that I had some good ideas, but that I needed to bury my meanings under a few more layers, and make the reader dig for them. I can't remember precisely how he worded it, but the advice was certainly along those general lines. Ironically, when I do write metaphorically, I can have problems with my work being taken too literally - and when I write literally, it is often assumed that I am being metaphorical. Misunderstandings aside, however, the question remains: Must poetry be obscure? Is modern poetry, in fact, too obscure, and not accessible to the general reader?
Well, it is a question of personal tastes. I don't think that there is any lack of accessible poetry out there. Perhaps such poetry is too readily dismissed by critics, however. Who are poets today writing for - other poets, and those with an academic interest in poetry, exclusively? In many cases, sadly - yes. There is some middle ground, however. The layers of deeper meaning may well be present in poetry which also offers something on the surface level. Surely, in many respects, this is the ideal? At the same time, most of us don't consciously think, "I'm going to be obscure today," or, "I'm going to write something really accessible." Inspiration doesn't quite work that way - and I still talk about inspiration in connection with writing, as it is not a "dirty word", as far as I am concerned. Whilst self-discipline is undeniably important, inspiration is vital - but probably the inspiration/self-discipline debate would require a blog post in its own right. I will add it to my mental "must blog about" list, which is growing daily!
Interesting words - and certainly not without truth. Another small press editor once told me that I had some good ideas, but that I needed to bury my meanings under a few more layers, and make the reader dig for them. I can't remember precisely how he worded it, but the advice was certainly along those general lines. Ironically, when I do write metaphorically, I can have problems with my work being taken too literally - and when I write literally, it is often assumed that I am being metaphorical. Misunderstandings aside, however, the question remains: Must poetry be obscure? Is modern poetry, in fact, too obscure, and not accessible to the general reader?
Well, it is a question of personal tastes. I don't think that there is any lack of accessible poetry out there. Perhaps such poetry is too readily dismissed by critics, however. Who are poets today writing for - other poets, and those with an academic interest in poetry, exclusively? In many cases, sadly - yes. There is some middle ground, however. The layers of deeper meaning may well be present in poetry which also offers something on the surface level. Surely, in many respects, this is the ideal? At the same time, most of us don't consciously think, "I'm going to be obscure today," or, "I'm going to write something really accessible." Inspiration doesn't quite work that way - and I still talk about inspiration in connection with writing, as it is not a "dirty word", as far as I am concerned. Whilst self-discipline is undeniably important, inspiration is vital - but probably the inspiration/self-discipline debate would require a blog post in its own right. I will add it to my mental "must blog about" list, which is growing daily!
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Someone Like You
Okay, I need to get this out of my system, even if it makes me really unpopular, as no doubt it will. Am I the only one? Really, am I the only person out there who thinks that the Adele hit "Someone Like You" is completely ruined by the fact that she sings: "Never mind, I'll find someone like you"? Sorry, still don't get it!
To be honest, I loved that song when I first heard it, although I found it interesting that a whole Five Live radio phone-in about "lost loves" was initiated on the strength of one song, however heartfelt and moving it may be - especially since most people laugh in my face when I tell them that songs such as "Goodbye" and "Naked" by Deborah Gibson - also a singer-songwriter - are some of my favourites. Adele is a female singer-songwriter, composing love songs on a piano. So is Deborah! Don't tell me: "Oh yeah, but Debbie Gibson sang 'Shake Your Love' when she was sixteen, and we thought she looked silly, and the words were corny." Get over it! She's forty-one now, and has developed so much as a singer-songwriter. (Not that I don't love those early Debbie Gibson hits, personally!)
Anyway, going back to the Adele lyrics: I thought at first that she sang: "Never again will I find someone like you." To me, that would be perfect - if a little obvious. Then I realised that she was singing: "Never mind..." I actually hear a burst of Avril Lavigne in my mind now, when I hear the song: "...on to the next one" ("One of Those Girls"). I don't know precisely what Adele meant by those lyrics, and what I ultimately find more disturbing is that so many people are apparently relating to this as the ultimate love song, but don't seem particularly concerned by the fact that she is talking about replacing one person with another. Hardly romantic - and the chorus, for me, simply doesn't fit with, or do justice to, the rest of the song.
There. I've said it. I think that, having got that out of my system, I might actually start to enjoy the Adele hit again! I just had to say something. Song lyrics seem to get into my head more and more, and I feel sure that I spend much too long on this sort of analysis. Still, I suppose that that's the poet in me...
To be honest, I loved that song when I first heard it, although I found it interesting that a whole Five Live radio phone-in about "lost loves" was initiated on the strength of one song, however heartfelt and moving it may be - especially since most people laugh in my face when I tell them that songs such as "Goodbye" and "Naked" by Deborah Gibson - also a singer-songwriter - are some of my favourites. Adele is a female singer-songwriter, composing love songs on a piano. So is Deborah! Don't tell me: "Oh yeah, but Debbie Gibson sang 'Shake Your Love' when she was sixteen, and we thought she looked silly, and the words were corny." Get over it! She's forty-one now, and has developed so much as a singer-songwriter. (Not that I don't love those early Debbie Gibson hits, personally!)
Anyway, going back to the Adele lyrics: I thought at first that she sang: "Never again will I find someone like you." To me, that would be perfect - if a little obvious. Then I realised that she was singing: "Never mind..." I actually hear a burst of Avril Lavigne in my mind now, when I hear the song: "...on to the next one" ("One of Those Girls"). I don't know precisely what Adele meant by those lyrics, and what I ultimately find more disturbing is that so many people are apparently relating to this as the ultimate love song, but don't seem particularly concerned by the fact that she is talking about replacing one person with another. Hardly romantic - and the chorus, for me, simply doesn't fit with, or do justice to, the rest of the song.
There. I've said it. I think that, having got that out of my system, I might actually start to enjoy the Adele hit again! I just had to say something. Song lyrics seem to get into my head more and more, and I feel sure that I spend much too long on this sort of analysis. Still, I suppose that that's the poet in me...
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