Friendship

Okay, so here goes. I haven't got the answers, but I have so many questions. To be honest, I have my own answers to some of the questions - or my own feelings, and beliefs - or maybe not such much beliefs, as a knowledge of what I would like to believe.

How do you know whether someone is a friend or just an acquaintance? Can acquaintances ever become friends? Can friendships lapse to the point at which a friend becomes an acquaintance, or would that only be able to happen if the person wasn't really a friend to begin with?

Can you be friends - real friends - with people whom you haven't met in the "real world"? Yet? I guess that mainly I am talking about "online friends" - but also pen-pals - the old-fashioned variety, who like to write letters, put stamps on them and post them in physical postboxes! How about people whom you used to see, but now only communicate with online? Ones with whom you have met up once or twice, or several times, but don't currently see - and yes, stay in touch with online?

Can you love friends in the same way as family members? Do the rules have to be altered according to the gender of the friends in question - in which case, does it have to be adjusted again according to your sexual preferences and theirs? Why should this be the case, if the friendships aren't based upon sex, anyway?

How do you know when you are completely wasting your time and emotional energy on people who don't really care? What if you still care?

Fear of abandonment destroys your self-confidence and your trust in your relationships with others - that much I do know. And when your "building blocks" - your family base - isn't solid to start with, it is that much harder, on so many levels.

If you find it hard to make friends in the first place, due to factors such as depression, agoraphobia and social phobia, the attachment is likely to be that much stronger. You may be loyal, kind and loving, but it is hard for people to appreciate that, if you simply come across as "needy" and desperate.

One of my friends died of breast Cancer in 2010. She also suffered from depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I can remember her telling me that she "couldn't let people get too close", for fear that they would "get inside her mind". I don't know how I feel about this because, ultimately - if she hadn't believed this, maybe we could have been closer, in the comparatively brief time during which she was a part of my life. At the same time, I relate, on a very deep level, to much of what she told me, and I have many similar issues.

I often think in terms of parallels, as this expresses the closeness yet distance between our separate, individual experiences. To me, our friends are people who love and respect us, and whom we love and respect in return, and who choose to share our lives, as we travel along parallel paths.

And yes, a friend is for life, not just for Christmas - or Solstice...